I knew before having Ellie that things would be different when she got here. I don't want to say that I wasn't prepared for the changes, because I was. I knew I'd get less sleep, I'd have a harder time going out in public, I wouldn't get as much time with friends. And as much as I love having her in my life, and I can no longer imagine my life without her, I still sometimes mourn my life before baby.
Last week, one of my best friends graduated from Nursing School. Before Ellie, I wouldn't have even thought twice about making sure I was there. She had her graduation/halloween party last night. I love halloween, and dressing up, and parties. :) So when I got the invitation, my first instinct was to figure out what I was going to dress up as. And then I got thinking about Ellie, and what I was going to do with her. I knew that I didn't want to leave her home. This party was 3 hours away, and if I went I'd end up spending the night, because I wouldn't want to drive home late at night. Which means I'd have to leave Ellie overnight, which I am absolutely not willing to do yet. I could bring her with me....but I knew that Cody would be sad because that meant not seeing her for over 24 hours. Plus, I wasn't sure I was ready to travel that far with her. We would have to make more stops than usual, and what is a 3 hour drive would most likely turn into a 4 or 5 hour drive. And once we got there, what would I do with her? There was going to be drinking, and tons of people, and I wasn't sure I'd want to expose her to all that. She's only 8 weeks old, she still gets overstimulated if there is too much going on. And I wouldn't drive home late at night with her, so I'd have to bring her pack and play, and my breast pump, and her bouncy seat....and it just turned into something that was way more than I was willing to do.
So, I had to miss out.
My sister and her friend went. I saw lots of pictures on facebook, that made me a bit sad that I wasn't there. But I knew I had made the right choice.
Instead, I went to dinner with Cody's family. His grandma leaves for Florida for the winter on Monday and every year, they do dinner together as a whole family. So I was able to bring Ellie to meet some family that she hasn't met before. It was alright, I knew I'd have had more fun if I was with my friends, but hanging out with them meant that I was going to have an evening of hanging out with my baby, which meant so much more to me than dressing up in a costume and drinking much more than I should.
Last year, I wouldn't have even entertained the idea of not going to the party, and this year, I'm so glad I decided to stay home to cuddle my girl.
Like I said, baby changes everything. <3
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Elliot's Birth Story
I'm currently sitting on the couch, with Ellie fast asleep on my chest. She's been asleep for the last 3 hours, and should be awake any minute, wanting to eat. I'm exhausted, and should be sleeping while she is asleep, but I can't help but sit and stare at her beautiful face, or enjoy the cuddles of her sound asleep little body.
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. They have been fun, and tiring, and frustrating, and amazing, and beautiful, all at the same time. I promise I will eventually catch everyone up on what has been going on (besides the same sleep, change, feed, repeat routine).
But for now, I need to write out Elliot's birth story. If not for you guys, then for me. It is a day I never want to forget. It was a beautiful day, and I hope that I can do it justice as I remember the details of the best day of my life.
Friday, August 30
I had an appointment with my midwife that afternoon at 1pm. I was 40weeks, 4 days pregnant. Because I was overdue, this appointment was only 3 days after my previous appointment. I had only been 1cm dilated, and there was no signs of labor in sight. Cody and I had spent Thursday evening trying every trick in the book to induce labor. Walking, sex, foods, labor ball - we did it all. I was hoping that at the appointment on Friday, she'd tell me I'd somehow progressed like crazy and that we could be expecting a baby at any time.
My mom and I had lunch at Panera Bread that afternoon. Cody had to work, and wasn't going to be able to get out of work in time to make it to the appointment. So, I asked my mom to go with. I figured that, since I had a NST and an Ultrasound appointment after my midwife appointment, and I thought my mom would love to be there for the Ultrasound.
We got to the doctors office, and went right in. My normal midwife, Deb, wasn't around, so we were seeing Allison. Of all the midwives in the office, she was my second favorite, so I'm glad she was there that day if Deb wasn't able to be. She went through all of the normal questions, and checked for a heartbeat. The baby hadn't been as active as normal, so I was very anxious to hear the heartbeat. She had a hard time finding it, just because of how the baby was laying. She was laying posterior, so she was up against my spine. We finally were able to find the heartbeat, and we then talked about an induction plan. The hospital would only let us go 10 days after my due date, so Wednesday, September 4 would be the day I'd head into the hospital to start the induction process.
I had wanted her to check to see if I was dilated, and I also wanted to try to strip my membranes. She checked and I was only dilated to a 1.5. So I'd only progressed about half a cm, which wasn't very promising. She said that she would strip my membranes, but unless my body was ready to go into labor, it wouldn't do anything. I was worried that it was going to hurt, but it really didn't hurt any more than a normal cervix check.
After we were all done in that appointment, we went next door to the NST room. She hooked me up to all of the machines, and again, we had a hard time finding a strong heartbeat. They have this thing that will send a vibration to the baby, to wake her up, so we tried that right away. We sat in the room for about 10 minutes, and when the nurse came back in, she said that it hadn't really woken up the baby much. They want to see some variations in the heartbeat, indicating that the baby is moving as she should be. The next step was to drink some apple juice. Apparently, the coldness, and the sugar, will often get the baby moving. We sat in the room for another 5 minutes or so, and she came back in and did the vibration thing again. 10 more minutes, and both the nurse and Allison came in and checked. They said that there were some variations in the heartbeat, but not enough. Allison was glad that I had an ultrasound scheduled next, because if I hadn't, she would have sent me over there anyway. So, we headed to the ultrasound room.
I love Ultrasounds. I know that they suggest not doing too many, because they don't really know how they can affect the baby, so because of that I didn't want too many, but it's so much fun to see what your little baby is doing in your belly. It really was the only way that I truly believed that I was pregnant, because I hadn't felt movement for so long. So, we started the ultrasound. She checked everything that we had checked at the 20 week scan - heartbeat, stomach, kidneys, measurements, etc. She then checked the fluid. After she checked everything, I would ask "is that good?" because I was starting to get worried something was wrong due to the heart rate issues. When she checked the fluid levels, she said "I'll have Allison explain all of this stuff to you", and right away my heart dropped, because I just had a feeling that something was wrong. At the end, just like she had at our 36 week scan, she told me their prediction of the size of the baby - and she said our baby was measuring at 10lbs 13oz! Holy big baby! That was not at all what we were expecting, because at our 36 week ultrasound, she was measuring at 6lbs 5oz. After everything was done and she printed a couple of pictures for me, she went out and got Allison. As we were sitting in the room, waiting for them to come back, I told my mom that I had a feeling my fluid levels were low, and they were going to want to induce me that day.
Allison came in the room, and she told me exactly what I thought - I had very low fluid levels. I was a little worried, because at my Tuesday appointment, I had asked Deb if it was possible that I was slowly leaking fluid. I wasn't sure if what I had was normal discharge, or if it was fluid that I was leaking, and she told me that if I was leaking fluid, I would know for sure, I wouldn't question it. Allison said that because of my low fluid levels, that is why the baby wouldn't "wake up", because she really had no fluid to move around in. She said that the best option would be to induce me that evening. Her other concern was the size of the baby. She said that often, with a baby that large, mothers end up in a C-Section. She said it is absolutely possible to vaginally deliver a big baby, and if I really wanted, we could just go ahead with the induction process. She warned me that it is possible that we go through the induction process, and I labor for a while, and end up with a C-Section anyway. I had fully intended on having a natural birth, and really thought about just being induced and trying it that way. I then thought about the possibility of needing a C-Section. I didn't want to have all sorts of drugs pumped into me (pitocin to start things, and then the epidural I'd probably end up getting due to the intensity of pitocin contractions), and then end up needing a C-Section anyway. I thought the c-section would be easier on my body and on the baby, and after calling Cody and talking with him, I decided to go ahead with the c-section.
Because we had eaten at noon, and they suggest waiting 8 hours after eating before surgery, my surgery would be planned for 8pm that evening. We left the doctors office, and everyone was talking about the fact that I was going to be having an 11lb baby, and they all wanted to see her once she was born. We made all of the necessary calls. Cody was on his way home from work. My dad was leaving work early, and going to my house to pick up Remy to take her to their house for the weekend. My sister was coming to town (she lives about 45 minutes away). I dropped my mom off, and went home to get Cody. I was glad to have the few minutes of alone time driving, because a lot had happened in the last few hours and I really needed to process everything, and think about the fact that I was going to have a baby that evening!
When I got home, I explained the whole day to Cody as we got our final things together and headed to the hospital. I was so hungry, and so was Cody, but of course I couldn't eat. I didn't know when Cody would be able to eat, so he went through the McDonalds drive-thru on our way to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital and got to our room, they had me change and get in bed right away. We weren't even there 10 minutes before I was already being hooked up to things. They hooked me up to the monitor, and took my blood pressure, and started an IV of fluids, and put some compression socks on me. I was all hooked up and ready to go by 6pm. The nurse then told me that my surgery would be pushed back because they had to bring someone in for an emergency c-section. She said that they were told my surgery would be at 6pm, even though we thought it'd be at 8! I'm glad it wasn't that early, because none of our family was there yet.
Cody's parents were coming from up north about an hour away, where they were camping. They got there first, around 6:30. Soon after, his brother and sister in law, and then my family showed up. Everyone was just hanging out in my room until the nurse came in and told me that it was time and they were going to be taking me in. Everyone left, and Cody and I got about 15 minutes together alone, and it was so weird to think that would be the last time we'd spend together as a family of 2.
Finally, it was time to go in. They had Cody wait in the room while they took me in. I remember the room being so bright, and the table seeming so small! They had me sit on the table, and lean over while they did my spinal. I was so worried that it was going to hurt, but it really didn't hurt too bad. I was leaning over a pillow, and Allison was hugging me so that I didn't move. I started to get dizzy, mostly because I was breathing into a pillow and it was hard to breath, and I think because I was getting nervous. I'd never had surgery before! Once the spinal started to work, my legs felt really warm before becoming completely numb. It was so weird to need help getting my bottom half back up on the table. Since they didn't want me to be completely flat on my back, they rolled me over and put a wedge under me, so I was slightly leaning toward the left. The whole thing felt so weird, since I couldn't move. I kept asking if I could help them by doing something, but they kept assuring me that even if I tried to help, I wouldn't be able to. At one point, my leg slid off the table and they had to jump to catch it. I felt bad that I couldn't just lift my leg up.
Cody came into the room at that point. They were getting ready to put a catheter in, which I was really nervous about. They kept assuring me that I was numb enough to where I wouldn't feel anything, which of course, I didn't. After Cody came in the room, the whole process went so fast. I remember the anesthesiologist talking to me the whole time. Cody luckily took a video of when they pulled her out. It was so incredible to see them pull this person out of my stomach. She was crying, but I don't remember hearing her. I asked over and over again why she wasn't crying, and they kept telling me she was. And then they told me that there was no way she was almost 11lbs. When they held her over the curtain for me to see her, all I could think about was how beautiful she was, and how she was much more beautiful than I could have imagined. They cleaned her up, and then Cody went with her back to our room, as they closed me up. When they were closing me up, they were talking about where to get dinner (which made me so sad because I was hungry but couldn't eat until the next day!), and they talked about my husbands restaurant. I told them that they could go in and tell them that they just delivered Cody's baby, and probably get some free food. :)
Once I got back to our room, I finally got to hold her. I was so in love with her. The nurses helped me get into a position so I could nurse her. I don't remember how long I nursed her for, but I was happy that I was able to nurse her so soon after she was born. After I was done, my family came in, and they all got to love on her, and then Cody's family came in after. It was pretty late by the time they left, so we all settled in and went to bed. They had to take Ellie to do some tests, and they ended up keeping her at the desk for a few hours, so we could get a couple of hours of sleep. I, of course, didn't sleep because I didn't really know they were going to keep her, so I stayed awake waiting for her to come back in. The nurse came in at 6am to help me out of bed and into the chair, because she needed to be fed.
After that, the next two days were a bit of a blur. We had lots of visitors, we spent a lot of time nursing and snuggling with our new baby, and we spent a lot of time not sleeping. It was a great couple of days, and coming home was hard and scary, but we have been surviving. Cody is back to work, and I'm home all day with Elliot, we've even got a routine down.
Sorry this is so long, but as I said, I wanted to get down as much as possible, for me to remember as well as share the experience with you. :)
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. They have been fun, and tiring, and frustrating, and amazing, and beautiful, all at the same time. I promise I will eventually catch everyone up on what has been going on (besides the same sleep, change, feed, repeat routine).
But for now, I need to write out Elliot's birth story. If not for you guys, then for me. It is a day I never want to forget. It was a beautiful day, and I hope that I can do it justice as I remember the details of the best day of my life.
Friday, August 30
I had an appointment with my midwife that afternoon at 1pm. I was 40weeks, 4 days pregnant. Because I was overdue, this appointment was only 3 days after my previous appointment. I had only been 1cm dilated, and there was no signs of labor in sight. Cody and I had spent Thursday evening trying every trick in the book to induce labor. Walking, sex, foods, labor ball - we did it all. I was hoping that at the appointment on Friday, she'd tell me I'd somehow progressed like crazy and that we could be expecting a baby at any time.
My mom and I had lunch at Panera Bread that afternoon. Cody had to work, and wasn't going to be able to get out of work in time to make it to the appointment. So, I asked my mom to go with. I figured that, since I had a NST and an Ultrasound appointment after my midwife appointment, and I thought my mom would love to be there for the Ultrasound.
We got to the doctors office, and went right in. My normal midwife, Deb, wasn't around, so we were seeing Allison. Of all the midwives in the office, she was my second favorite, so I'm glad she was there that day if Deb wasn't able to be. She went through all of the normal questions, and checked for a heartbeat. The baby hadn't been as active as normal, so I was very anxious to hear the heartbeat. She had a hard time finding it, just because of how the baby was laying. She was laying posterior, so she was up against my spine. We finally were able to find the heartbeat, and we then talked about an induction plan. The hospital would only let us go 10 days after my due date, so Wednesday, September 4 would be the day I'd head into the hospital to start the induction process.
I had wanted her to check to see if I was dilated, and I also wanted to try to strip my membranes. She checked and I was only dilated to a 1.5. So I'd only progressed about half a cm, which wasn't very promising. She said that she would strip my membranes, but unless my body was ready to go into labor, it wouldn't do anything. I was worried that it was going to hurt, but it really didn't hurt any more than a normal cervix check.
After we were all done in that appointment, we went next door to the NST room. She hooked me up to all of the machines, and again, we had a hard time finding a strong heartbeat. They have this thing that will send a vibration to the baby, to wake her up, so we tried that right away. We sat in the room for about 10 minutes, and when the nurse came back in, she said that it hadn't really woken up the baby much. They want to see some variations in the heartbeat, indicating that the baby is moving as she should be. The next step was to drink some apple juice. Apparently, the coldness, and the sugar, will often get the baby moving. We sat in the room for another 5 minutes or so, and she came back in and did the vibration thing again. 10 more minutes, and both the nurse and Allison came in and checked. They said that there were some variations in the heartbeat, but not enough. Allison was glad that I had an ultrasound scheduled next, because if I hadn't, she would have sent me over there anyway. So, we headed to the ultrasound room.
I love Ultrasounds. I know that they suggest not doing too many, because they don't really know how they can affect the baby, so because of that I didn't want too many, but it's so much fun to see what your little baby is doing in your belly. It really was the only way that I truly believed that I was pregnant, because I hadn't felt movement for so long. So, we started the ultrasound. She checked everything that we had checked at the 20 week scan - heartbeat, stomach, kidneys, measurements, etc. She then checked the fluid. After she checked everything, I would ask "is that good?" because I was starting to get worried something was wrong due to the heart rate issues. When she checked the fluid levels, she said "I'll have Allison explain all of this stuff to you", and right away my heart dropped, because I just had a feeling that something was wrong. At the end, just like she had at our 36 week scan, she told me their prediction of the size of the baby - and she said our baby was measuring at 10lbs 13oz! Holy big baby! That was not at all what we were expecting, because at our 36 week ultrasound, she was measuring at 6lbs 5oz. After everything was done and she printed a couple of pictures for me, she went out and got Allison. As we were sitting in the room, waiting for them to come back, I told my mom that I had a feeling my fluid levels were low, and they were going to want to induce me that day.
Allison came in the room, and she told me exactly what I thought - I had very low fluid levels. I was a little worried, because at my Tuesday appointment, I had asked Deb if it was possible that I was slowly leaking fluid. I wasn't sure if what I had was normal discharge, or if it was fluid that I was leaking, and she told me that if I was leaking fluid, I would know for sure, I wouldn't question it. Allison said that because of my low fluid levels, that is why the baby wouldn't "wake up", because she really had no fluid to move around in. She said that the best option would be to induce me that evening. Her other concern was the size of the baby. She said that often, with a baby that large, mothers end up in a C-Section. She said it is absolutely possible to vaginally deliver a big baby, and if I really wanted, we could just go ahead with the induction process. She warned me that it is possible that we go through the induction process, and I labor for a while, and end up with a C-Section anyway. I had fully intended on having a natural birth, and really thought about just being induced and trying it that way. I then thought about the possibility of needing a C-Section. I didn't want to have all sorts of drugs pumped into me (pitocin to start things, and then the epidural I'd probably end up getting due to the intensity of pitocin contractions), and then end up needing a C-Section anyway. I thought the c-section would be easier on my body and on the baby, and after calling Cody and talking with him, I decided to go ahead with the c-section.
Because we had eaten at noon, and they suggest waiting 8 hours after eating before surgery, my surgery would be planned for 8pm that evening. We left the doctors office, and everyone was talking about the fact that I was going to be having an 11lb baby, and they all wanted to see her once she was born. We made all of the necessary calls. Cody was on his way home from work. My dad was leaving work early, and going to my house to pick up Remy to take her to their house for the weekend. My sister was coming to town (she lives about 45 minutes away). I dropped my mom off, and went home to get Cody. I was glad to have the few minutes of alone time driving, because a lot had happened in the last few hours and I really needed to process everything, and think about the fact that I was going to have a baby that evening!
When I got home, I explained the whole day to Cody as we got our final things together and headed to the hospital. I was so hungry, and so was Cody, but of course I couldn't eat. I didn't know when Cody would be able to eat, so he went through the McDonalds drive-thru on our way to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital and got to our room, they had me change and get in bed right away. We weren't even there 10 minutes before I was already being hooked up to things. They hooked me up to the monitor, and took my blood pressure, and started an IV of fluids, and put some compression socks on me. I was all hooked up and ready to go by 6pm. The nurse then told me that my surgery would be pushed back because they had to bring someone in for an emergency c-section. She said that they were told my surgery would be at 6pm, even though we thought it'd be at 8! I'm glad it wasn't that early, because none of our family was there yet.
Cody's parents were coming from up north about an hour away, where they were camping. They got there first, around 6:30. Soon after, his brother and sister in law, and then my family showed up. Everyone was just hanging out in my room until the nurse came in and told me that it was time and they were going to be taking me in. Everyone left, and Cody and I got about 15 minutes together alone, and it was so weird to think that would be the last time we'd spend together as a family of 2.Finally, it was time to go in. They had Cody wait in the room while they took me in. I remember the room being so bright, and the table seeming so small! They had me sit on the table, and lean over while they did my spinal. I was so worried that it was going to hurt, but it really didn't hurt too bad. I was leaning over a pillow, and Allison was hugging me so that I didn't move. I started to get dizzy, mostly because I was breathing into a pillow and it was hard to breath, and I think because I was getting nervous. I'd never had surgery before! Once the spinal started to work, my legs felt really warm before becoming completely numb. It was so weird to need help getting my bottom half back up on the table. Since they didn't want me to be completely flat on my back, they rolled me over and put a wedge under me, so I was slightly leaning toward the left. The whole thing felt so weird, since I couldn't move. I kept asking if I could help them by doing something, but they kept assuring me that even if I tried to help, I wouldn't be able to. At one point, my leg slid off the table and they had to jump to catch it. I felt bad that I couldn't just lift my leg up.
Cody came into the room at that point. They were getting ready to put a catheter in, which I was really nervous about. They kept assuring me that I was numb enough to where I wouldn't feel anything, which of course, I didn't. After Cody came in the room, the whole process went so fast. I remember the anesthesiologist talking to me the whole time. Cody luckily took a video of when they pulled her out. It was so incredible to see them pull this person out of my stomach. She was crying, but I don't remember hearing her. I asked over and over again why she wasn't crying, and they kept telling me she was. And then they told me that there was no way she was almost 11lbs. When they held her over the curtain for me to see her, all I could think about was how beautiful she was, and how she was much more beautiful than I could have imagined. They cleaned her up, and then Cody went with her back to our room, as they closed me up. When they were closing me up, they were talking about where to get dinner (which made me so sad because I was hungry but couldn't eat until the next day!), and they talked about my husbands restaurant. I told them that they could go in and tell them that they just delivered Cody's baby, and probably get some free food. :)
After that, the next two days were a bit of a blur. We had lots of visitors, we spent a lot of time nursing and snuggling with our new baby, and we spent a lot of time not sleeping. It was a great couple of days, and coming home was hard and scary, but we have been surviving. Cody is back to work, and I'm home all day with Elliot, we've even got a routine down.
Sorry this is so long, but as I said, I wanted to get down as much as possible, for me to remember as well as share the experience with you. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)